I am fat. There, I said it. I am fat. I have been fat for so long, that I do not even remember what it feels like to be a healthy weight. I may have had good reasons for self-medicating with food – more about that in weeks to come – but it doesn’t change the truth: I am fat. My 28-year-old son was 2 the last time I weighed something close to what I should weigh. He has no memory of me as anything other than fat. But that being said, there are degrees of fatness, and I’ve outdone myself in the last couple of years – gaining an additional 40 pounds over my previous high weight to top out at 234 lbs. On my five foot frame, that is more than 100 pounds over what I should weigh.
I have, in the last several months, managed to lose 20 pounds, so now I’m topping the scale at 214 pounds. I guess I should be thankful for small blessings. But let’s get real – that is too little change on a too-big body. I need to do more and be more diligent about losing more. It’s hard, but necessary.
Because, in addition to being fat, I am also a Christian. You know, one of those Bible-thumping kinds who believe that Jesus really is the only way to salvation, to grace, to heaven. And that all other people, all those who do not put their trust in Christ alone, are lost and doomed to an eternal separation from God called hell. I know that as a Christian, my body is part and parcel of my testimony. If I cannot conquer this physical issue with the grace of God – then what hope is there that I am on the right track with the salvation thing? Because, really, I need the practical evidence of power in my life to show God’s power and glory to the unbelievers in my life – something of a practical illustration of the power of the Lord. The God who raises the dead, can certainly help me erase some pounds.
So, for the next several months, I intend to delve in to the whys and wherefores of my weight problem, while at the same time examining closely – and publicly – the choices I am making that are helping or hurting me in this ongoing journey of self-discovery. A journey of self-discovery, because I fully expect to find out some things about myself – both good and bad – that I never before realized.
Let’s start with this realization – the one that led me to write this post: I am called, as a Christian, to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Jesus (Luke 9:23). And dieting – or making a lifestyle change – is denying myself. It is denying self-indulgence and sloth and pity parties and comfort food and chocolate cravings and so much more. Taking up my cross, in this context, is taking up my fruits and veggies, my water, my scale, and my accountability. But – slow learner that I am – I had never before made the connection between the call to deny myself and take up my cross with the real necessity to make permanent changes in my life regarding food and health.
Here’s to more connections being made, and pounds being lost!
Thought for the day:
Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food.
(Romans 14:20a, emphasis added).